Vanessa Riley's Research and Shopping Blog

Here’s a dangerous lie the internet tells us: if information is public, it’s fair game. If I have to do a little hunting, a little scraping to get it—well, that just shows how clever I am.

If I told you that this can be harmful. And that some of us don’t know that this invasion of privacy can erode trust forever—would you still do it? We are one like away from being unforgiven.

Access Isn’t Permission

What is unforgivable?

That sounds like a grand philosophical question. And I’m not asking this in the courtroom or commandment sense but in the everyday ways we treat each other. What crosses that simple line of right and slightly harmless wrong?

Is it oversharing? Gossip? A tidbit of seductive knowledge that you found that no one else has publicly announced?

Does this secret knowledge make you feel powerful?

Before we go there, I need to define two words that have become part of our modern vocabulary.

The first is parasocial.

A parasocial relationship is a one-sided relationship where an audience member feels a deep connection to a public figure. That audience member or voyeur doesn’t actually know the public person personally, but they are invested. I’m guilty of this. I take it personally when people condemn Meghan Markle, the Duchess of Sussex, for breathing. When her

As Ever debuted, it sold out in 5 minutes. I was part of that shopping fest.

A parasocial relationship is not inherently unhealthy. More and more it’s part of being an artist. Brands and publishers want that vibe to push sales. Readers want to feel like they know an author. It means so much when our words have entertained them on lonely nights and comforted them through grief.

The second word is never good, doxxing. Doxxing is the act of publicly revealing someone’s private, identifying information without their consent. Often, doxxing will mean someone has published home addresses, phone numbers, places of work, or more.

Recently, my friend, bestselling romance author Kennedy Ryan, appeared on a podcast with Jenna Bush, and during a lighthearted conversation about pen names, Kennedy shared that she originally adopted a pseudonym to protect her professional career and now continues to use it to protect her peace.

Her peace. Catch that part.

Not because she was hiding. Not because she was ashamed.

Because she wanted boundaries. She deserves boundaries so she can keep a piece of herself and her life for herself.

Soon afterward, the internet sleuths, parasocial avengers, began circulating her legal name in posts and threads online. Some have actually argued that releasing a legal name isn’t really doxxing because her legal name had been publicly discoverable for years.

I’m sorry…

Since when did intent or access excuse the action?

If someone tells you, “This is private. This is how I protect myself and my family,” and you decide to broadcast that information anyway, what exactly are you accomplishing? Congrats! You’re smart. You can scrape metadata and websites. Feel good.

Maybe placate your conscience because you didn’t post her home address.

Hey, you didn’t hack a bank account. So clearly you are different. You’re in a category above criminals.

Just because you didn’t intend harm, that doesn’t mean you didn’t cause harm. You ignored a clearly stated boundary. That’s the part our conscience should struggle with.

Is it an unforgivable offense? That’s not for me to decide.

What does this violation do? Hopefully, no legal harm, but you’ve made everyone on the receiving side of a fandom or readership more cautious and potentially more closed off.

If you go to threads, you can see this in real time.

One person wrote: “One day, in the very near future, y’all are going to lose all access to your favorite authors.”

Another author wrote about feeling so violated “after her government name was shared,” that she endured harassment, stalking, and cyber abuse so severe she nearly abandoned writing forever.

Another creator, from the gaming community, described having her address and phone number spread online, receiving death threats, and watching her mother become a target of harassment. It took years of therapy before she felt safe again.

All of these are different situations.

Different levels of harm.

Yet, they all share a common thread: Someone else decided that another person’s boundaries didn’t matter.

As authors, we want readers to love our books.

We want to meet you. We want to laugh with you at signings, hug you at festivals, celebrate release days together. We want to feel close.

But there is a distinct difference between closeness and entitlement.

Writing is my profession. It is also one of the most personal things I do. Every novel asks me to hand over pieces of myself.

My fears.

My questions.

My hopes.

And sometimes my grief.

Whether you’re a novelist, painter, musician, actor, graphics designer, or sculptor—every work of art contains something deeply personal. You struggle and learn—really learn—to release it into the world and let others enjoy it and make it their own.

That is so hard and it its one of the hardest lessons every artist faces.

Some will love your work.

Some will misunderstand your work.

Some will hate it.

But that is the rite of passage from creator to consumer.

But art isn’t ownership.

It does not extend to the artist’s private life.

Many of us create because we’ve built spaces where we feel safe.

Some write with music.

Some light candles.

Some write only before sunrise.

For me, I close the office door.

Outside that room, life can be chaotic.

Inside it, new worlds are born.

That space only exists because it feels protected.

With protection comes access and the willingness to share.

Earlier this year, I did a tour for Fire Sword and Sea, packing in a month’s worth of travel into one week. I did it. Shared behind-the-scenes content. Met people from all over. I financed this tour from my pocket. I did it because I wanted you to meet me and this powerful story of adventure and bucking norms.

If an author doesn’t feel safe, we make different choices. When our relationship to readers changes, we all lose. I saw Kenedy when she came to Atlanta. It was the last stop on her multi-week tour. She signed hundred and hundreds of books. Took group selfies. And then personally hugged and greeted local authors and superfans. I don’t think she’d been in her own bed in a month.

If she doesn’t feel safe, she’s not going to stretch herself, no matter how much she wants the next book to touch you.

We all lose.

Today marks the release of A Deal at Dawn. It’s my thirtieth book.

Thirty. Thirty pieces of my heart.

Thirty moments where I sat alone with imaginary people, crafting and shaping their story until it was ready to hand it over to you.

This entire series has explored difficult questions, and it comes to a head in A Deal at Dawn.

What does love look like when someone lives with a chronic, debilitating illness like sickle cell disease?

How do families navigate chronic illness?

How do communities care for one another?

And for the lovers, what happens when tomorrow isn’t promised?

These aren’t abstract ideas for me. People in my own family have lived with sickle cell disease. Some have died from it. And from interacting with you, I’ve found similar stories. I was able to use the dedication to honor them.

From the bits of information, you may recognize these stories. Don’t dox. Pray for cures. Make donations to:

AMERICAN SICKLE CELL ANEMIA ASSOCIATIONST. JUDE CHILDREN’S RESEARCH HOSPITAL- SICKLE CELL DISEASE TREATMENT SICKLE CELL DISEASE ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA, INC.

For me, writing these books is never simply about entertainment.

It’s remembrance.

It’s advocacy.

It’s love, unwavering, unearned, forever love.

And Jahleel and Katherine’s story asks one more question. Are there things that are truly unforgivable? Katherne was going to let Jahleel die, never knowing the truth. How do you make up for that?

Romance promises a happily-ever-after.

Real life doesn’t always offer one.

So we have to hold on to now, be happy for now, and hope now lasts forever.

As someone who is thrilled by what we have going on, for you showing up here every week to Write of Passage, I want to say thank you. Thank you for the love and respect.

This week’s book list is very simple.

Get Kennedy Ryan’s Score. It’s her latest, and it’s so good. There are signed copies at Eagle Eye Books.

You can also get A Deal at Dawn from Eagle Eye, The New Romantics Bookstore, call Montgomery and Taggert, call Barnes and Noble Perimeter – ( I have a tea party release on Sunday, July 5th at 2:00 at BN Perimeter. If you are in the area, come to the party with your hat and maybe gloves.)

You can also get A Deal and Dawn from The Book Cellar in Conyers, GA. They still have a few signed copies of Fire Sword and Sea. The Book Cellar has been my bookstore for the month.

Don’t forget those bookstores, bookstores large and small, who are in the trenches with me.

You can find my notes on Substack or on my website, VanessaRiley.com, under the podcast link in the About tab.

Hey. I need you. Like, share, subscribe, and stay connected to Write of Passage.

Thank you for being here.

I want you to come again. This is Vanessa Riley.

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